summer fun...

going to the pool is so much fun. i am so thankful for people who share their pools with the less fortunate..lol! it is such a blessing. it is great to go and hang out and talk and have some good ol fellowship. i love the fact that there are some of us that can just share and hang out and have some real conversation with one and other. sharing everyday life things and helping one and other in life in general. it is great to know that people still care. anyway just wanted to write how i was feeling at the moment. today is a gift not a guarantee. so i am gonna enjoy it to the fullest. thank you god for today!!!

changing....

things around here have been changing. i finally got a job. i got the job that i wanted. i was hunting and hunting and praying for a cna position at a retirement community or hospital. so finally after 2 interviews countless prayers. i got the job i wanted and the shift i wanted. so my training starts in august. i will go to class to be a certified nursing assistant. which really means cleans bed linens poop and pee and helps with the elderly. which for now is great. it is entry level into the field i want to be in.. sooo hahaha! for anyone who doubted me getting where i wanted to be. i love the fact that i will be working. it is a great self esteem builder. which it is great to have some positive self esteem. and i love helping people so it all works out. plus i get to learn more about the medical field. i want to be and LPN in time. and i know that all the praying and working and striving to get there will pay off if that is the plan that god has for me in my life here.

things around here are getting crazy though. not only am i going to be in class for 3ks but my baby girl is starting kindergarten. i am excited but at the same time that means she is growing up too fast. though i do believe that every season is a blessing so i am happy for her but it is a bit sad at the same time. she will soon feel like she does not need momma anymore. that will be a sad sad day. but not gonna think about that. i know she is looking forward to school this little princess that i call jasmine is a smart cookie and she loves to learn. everyone is always telling me how smart they think she is and i gotta say that is a good feeling that others pick up on it to. lol but of course i have a bias opinion.lol!

i am tryin to get all my ducks in a row before i start class and jasmine starts school. we both need uniforms and new shoes before mid august. yikes that outta be fun i tell ya. i am really stoked for the both of us though. it is like a new start for us both. and my little man of course is gonna have a new start too. he is gonna be apart of a class too for the little peeps of course though. i know he is gonna love it to though. he will be needing something to keep his mind off his big sister. he just adores her so much. they are to of the most loving kids i know. no matter what they are always lookin out for each other. i have to get this house all done up before i start working so i feel complete and all i have to do is maitenance to it. that will make 3rd shift, 2 kids, a hubby and a house so much easier.. or at least im hoping. lol! but so far so good.

i am hoping that this will help push this dark cloud away from us. no more sickness and accidents in this family please for awhile. i just wanna strive to be on top of things around here. we need some peace around here. i am not asking to be rich just be ok. that works for me. money in savings and ya know..lol! i believe that god is always testing us and this was a test (yet another) for my faith. when i think that i am being faithful and obidient to god that is when he shows me that i can use improvements. which is great but sometimes i think that it is a little bit much. but i guess that is the only way he can get us to really open our eyes. and be better be more faithful to him and his word. for us to follow his plan. it is like when you have a job and they say " when you get comfortable in your position that is when you get hurt" well sometimes i think that is how it is with faith. when you think that you have a lot of faith and arent really seeking god he shows you that you always should be seeking him and that you need him. so you need to strive to seek him out to stay faithful to him. well it made sense to me..lol! anyway. i am soooo thankful to god that i showed him how serious i was about my life changes that he is giving me this chance to have the job i want and to get us and our family on the right track in this life.. thank you lord....really!!!

the craziest things happen here...

so we had quite an eventful day on monday. my poor little boy was rushed to the hospital. so before i tell you what happened to him, let me paint a picture for you real quick.

first of all as if things arent already hard enough around this house with jason being in the hospital last week and been outta work without pay. that is enough stress on a person. really!

so anyway, the day started off pretty normal for the most part. ethan got up he was whiny and was crying. i was upstairs and asked jasmine "what the heck is wrong with your brother?" she said he was mad cause he couldnt get into his room. well i locked the door cause i painted the night before. so anyway, made breakfast, went back up to watch cartoons in my bed with the kids. ethan seemed like he may have a fever. so when my friend got to the house to drop off her kids i gave ethan some motrin. he seemed to be ok just a bit whiny and feverish. nothing too bad i thought. he was running around playing inside outside inside outside having a good time. then he wanted to sit on my lap so i snuggled him for a few and he layed his head on my shoulder and started to dose it seemed. well then like a min or 2 went by and all of the sudden, he arched his back hands went up in the air and his eyes were lookin straight up at the ceiling. he was making a gurggly sound and it was like he was choking.i said i think he is having a seizure. i started to panic and then jason took him so i could call 911. he stopped breathing for a sec, and was just so outta it. he came to a little bit and by the time i called 911 a min or 2 later they were at the house to help. emt's and ambulance firetruck and cops. it was crazy. i was hysterical, crying, scared shitless and the most terrifying thing that i have ever went through with the kids or anything i think. that was by far the hardest thing to see my kid go through. just not responding to me and limp. the emt's helped him oxygen and stuff then off to the hosp in the ambulance. thank god that they are quick and we live 1 mile from the hosp. they did a check up on him, meds, temp, temp, temp, meds, xrays, an iv, heart stickers. all that, 6 hrs in the er and he has an ear infection. they said that little kids have febrile seizures. it is a fever induced seizure. uuummmm yeah they should call it a parent heart attack seizure.i pray to god that i do not ever have to see my baby like that again. he was scared i was scared. but they said that there is only a 20% chance that it could happen again. i am hopin not at all for this family.

it was such a crazy day. i cant stop thinking about it. i want the thought of it gone outta my mind. i am sooooo exhausted from it all. i am losing sleep thinking about what i could have done different but i dont think that i could have. i love that little boy more then words and cant for the life of me figure out why he has had such a hard time with things. stitches before 2, ambulance ride before 3. i dont get it. he has had it a bit rougher then i had ever imagined for a small little man. we will get through it i know it. god is watching us and has a plan. he is good i know it. i am blessed to have him and jasmine and jason and what we have in our lives. i am not complaining, i am human though. i try not to worry but at some time it can be hard for me not to let it happen.

anyway today he seems to be doin a bit better and back to being himself for the most part. thank you god!!!! please watch over my baby and keep him safe and healthy!!!

talking to an ex....

why is it that no one can really talk to an ex without weirdness or fighting? so we finally got the number to jason's ex and decided to give her a call. Wow! has she still not grown up. i don't get it we called with good intentions but she always seems to make things difficult for us. i called trying to see if i could just talk about stuff. you know the norm....how are you, how is austin, how is life, how is he doing in school ....lalala! just stuff like that. we have been outta touch cause we never know where she is or how to get a hold of her. we have tried so many times with her and still she does not want jason to be apart of his sons life. and thats pretty much what she makes it seem like. i mean it is water under the bridge what has happened in the past but it still is brought up. he is not a bad father, he pays child support and has tried to be apart of his sons life the whole time that we have been together. so really that says something for him, i mean he does have a life and a family here to. he has to work and take care of his life. but that doesnt change the love he has for the kid he never gets to see. at one time she asked us if he would give him up for adoption and he really did not want to. but he thought at another time that maybe it would be best for him and his son. but then after really thinking and praying about it, it just really didnt feel right no matter how much money he has to pay. i do feel like she has something to do with the raise in his support. anyway so i asked for him when i called and she said are you gonna talk to him or is jason. iw as like really chic. anyway i said jason is..... so she said austin do you wanna talk to your dad? he said my dad, is he on there? it was really cute so that just shows that he is curious of jason and wanted to speak to him. so they talked for a few minutes then she got on the phone and then thats is when it went sour. she does that every time. jason said i would like to have him for a wk or two this summer and she said why would he want to he has never left my site. she didnt even ask him. he is at an age that he can make his mind up. i mean it is not like we arent stable here. i just think that she is taking this situation to a bad level. we arent asking for him to move here. just to visit. that is the adult fair parent thing to do. she should be happy that jason is wanting to do more with him. though she has always said no to us. thats not ok. she is really wrong here. i dont understand why she cant be an adult here. jason is a good hard working person and father. i mean really she is making austin suffer cause she hates jason fo rsome lame ass reason. they are both to blame for the relationship not working cause apparently it was never really that good to begin with then you throw a kid on the fire and boooom! but i have faith that the Lord will provide jasons time when it is right for him and his other son to see one and other. ugh! anyway this situation is terrible and it is angry and ugly. i am done for now, i hate this.

he's home

i am soooo happy that jason is home finally. i would say that he had a 4 day vaca but i know that would be a lie. he was in pain and i know it was not fun.

die mrsa!

what the hell is it with this mrsa shit and my family? i mean really it has tried several times to over take my home and our bodies. i really don't understand how this shit keeps coming back. i mean besides the obvious. jason was admitted to the hospital saturday night after being there for what seemed to be forever. we got there at 11:06pm and me and the kids left at 3:10am. in all that time they took blood, stats, temp,registration,doc came in a few times, nurse came in a few times, cup of ice, cup of soda, pushed on his finger and it oozed. i mean i am glad that he is there and they can monitor this shit but it really seemed to take forever. when we walked in the ER last night the first thing i said was..."this seems like the happening place to be tonight" and for sure it really was. So anyway, jason is in the hospital with a bad case of mrsa. he is on an IV drip and IV antibiotics. they admitted him cause he was already on antis and they werent working so they had to give him something stronger and in him quicker. he is on pain. they drained his finger, by cutting it open and pulling out all the gooooo. so hopefully they wont have to do surgery but they said if the swelling does not go down that they will be doing surgery. i have faith that the Lord will take his pain away and heal him, it just seems like he can't/ we can't get a small break. i just want us to kick this mrsa shit outta the family. it all started with Ethan. he has had it several times and i have had it once. and wow i never want it again. it was prob the most painful thing i have ever experienced. when i got it i cried cause i finally found out what my little man was suffering from every time he had it. that broke my heart. so please anyone out there that prays please keep jason in your prayers for a little while. his healing is very important to us.

nothing really

so as usual i have nothing really that interesting to say. but anyway i got lots to blab about...lol! so i have really been tryin to change things around here. i have been thinking about this whole job situation and tryin to find one is unreal i have looked. i was even looking at places that i would rather not work at. i have applied a few different places and still nothing. i seems like you have to have a phd to work at turkeyhill, i mean come on really that is insane people. but i am really tryin to get a job with some kind of direction not just another lame-o position that i have to add to my application when i apply somewhere. i am at the point that i will take anything but i would rather do something with direction.anyway this damn thing has no direction..lol so bye!