wednesday.....

ugh! well today has been a crappy day. i just feel like i am not doin so good here. my kids were like animals today and i could not seem to get motivated today to do anything. i feel a bit outta touch with the world right now. i have been workin so hard to get things around here done so much so that i am in such a bad mood. 1 i think is cause i cant seem to get a lick of help outta anyone. and 2 because i guess to everyone my things that i want done are kinda irrational to them. i didnt think that i was gonna be the only one who cared about getting the house painted and the yard mowed and the house in order. now i get that some days we are all lazy and or just down right tired. but darn do we get a break. lets just work together and things will stay done. i feel like the harder i try the less anyone cares. i really am doin it for my family but i guess i need to start doin it for myself. i am in such a foul mood tonight that it is unbelievable. i feel disconnected from everything. i have had a great few weeks though what the hell happened? i mean for real.

i have come to grips with this whole job thing. it is gonna be great as far as for me and the income go. but on the other hand i feel like i am leaving my kids and that doesnt sit well with me. why is that? i wish i knew. i mean jasmine is goin to kindergarten and unless i home school she has to leave and go. which btw i would never home school.. not a chance even where we live. but she will be goin to private school if i have anything to say about it. i just am uneasy about the whole idea. i dont really know why but that is what it is. and as for my little man. ethan deserves some school time to make little buddies and stuff plus he will love it i just know it. it will help with his structure too i am sure of that. plus i have to realize that they will grow up and go to school. i just didnt think that it would go by soooooo fast. it really does. but on the other hand i am excited to start a new chapter in my life as well cause i need to do something for me that will benefit my family as well and this would be it. this is like my foot in the door to become a nurse and that is what i want to do.

ever get really mad and cant get it out? you wanna scream but no one will hear you. i feel that way right now. i thought that bloggin would help that but it is not doin it for me right now. i guess i must go and try another thing....later....