a quick look back....

have you ever looked back at how much you have changed through the yrs?

how much your friends change?

how often people come and go in your life?

i think that it is kinda crazy how fast time flies by us most of the time not really realizing all the changes around us. lately i have been thinking a lot back to some of my really close friends that i was once friends with. it is kinda sad to think that growing up we all think that we are gonna be friends forever....lol! i guess then you realize that you arent really gonna be. it is kinda a bummer sometimes when you get back in touch with someone and you both have changed so much and your lives are so different, but kinda interesting at the same time. hhuummmmmm. but you kinda wish that you were there through all the life stuff. but i still believe that God puts people in our lives and takes them out at certain times..

i still can't believe sometimes how much my life has changed....lol! i have grown into a totally different person then i once was, in a good way....i mean i still have the same sense of humor and joking about me but my priorities are different so i guess my views on somethings are different then when i was younger. but with that said oh how things are so different and it is good to reconnect and look back and see what is new with the people you once did some crazy silly kid stuff with......if that makes any sense to you.....lol!

things coming together

so my plan has taken form so far. i got a part time job, doing the same thing as i was doing (cna) and hoping that it will work out for the time being. now that the job thing is taken care of...i just need to work on the rest of the plan...lol!

so i was thinking of how great it was to be reconnecting with friends after some time of i guess taking a break. it is kinda a breath of fresh air to get to be able to change and come into your own and heal and do the things in life that you need to do and still be able to connect like the days had stopped in between the last time you had spoke to one and other. this past yr i had to do some healing of myself and growing into my own. while doing that i picked up some new people in my life that have been there but werent as close as now. i am highly enjoying there presence in my life. i often wonder how we did not become closer before this time. i do believe that god puts people in our lives and takes them out for a reason. i think that a particular group that we were involved with had sorta took some time off was because we all had things that we needed to change in a way that we kinda needed the space to do so. but i am thinking that in ways unknown to me that we are kinda on a track back to being what we were to start with. i loved the way it was when we first met :) i know that things are different for us all which is great cause we all have something new to bring to the table! i feel like the others that i have bonded with along the way this last yr was what made it easier for me to get through the rough spots that my life had run up on. for them i am sooo grateful for their friendships. it is kinda funny hwo things work out sometimes, but sorta cool at the same time.

so in all this blah blah blah, i have started something new in my life....i am reading now. i was really never a reader by choice. i have never read a whole book in my young adult and adult life. pretty sad i know it. i made a bad choice somewhere along the way, which is strange because my mom is such an avid reader. so one of my favorite people that i earlier talked about had helped push me a bit to read. good thing that she knows me so well cause she started me off with twilight which was intimidating cause if the length of it. i thought oh no this is gonna take me a yr to read...lol! but so far 1wk in and i am more then half way through it. so i am stoked to finally be able to celebrate that i have finally read a whole book....

well for now i am leaving.....

tonight is the last night.....

so tonight is my last night at willow valley....I am thankful for a break but I know that sometime soon I have to be working at least part time... we do need that little but of more income... I have come to realize that this was all harder then I had anticipated it really being. I think that if I had family or friends that could help us out that things would have maybe been a little easier, or that I could even work a different shift knowing that my kiddos are well cared for. but nothing like momma, nothing like taking care of them ourselves! i love my kiddos, even when they drive me crazy...lol! which on the daily they do that...lol!

It was weird cause last night at work I was thinking that wow I am getting ready to start all over again and that kinda stinks but I know that I have to get away from all this negativity...that place is a sewer of gossip and negativity...i really like doing this job and I will def miss some of my residents but I must go and do something else right now...I have to fix the things that I have put off cause if lack of sleep and shit like that. I guess time managment was not really what i needed to learn it was how to not sleep and still be able to function...lol!

ugh working on a new plan...

so the plan was to go back to work......i did so! but i have def failed at it. 3rd shift is soooooooo bad, i knew it was gonna be hard just not that hard.my whole world started to fall apart around me. to tired to think, to tired to feel, too tired to cook, clean, play, read, anything. I can not stand it anymore. i think that i could truely get used to being poor and happy. I mean I know that we can really use the money but come on this is craziness. i feel like the closer i get to leaving the job the happier i feel and the less stress i feel....my mind is truly overwhelmed but the thought of goin to work at night. plus it really doesnt help that i am afraid of the damn dark.....and the people i work with are really creepy at night..not too mention dealing with the dead takes a really special person to do...not that you have to be cold but you really need to not be spooked but anything. def not me.....every time someone died it was like huummm this is weird gonna check it out.......then it was creepy and weird after that...i gotta hand it to the people who take care of the dead it really does take a special person to do it....anyway i know that i am gonna find something that fits what i am looking for...god has a plan for me and i know that. i know that we will survive and that our good god will provide what is needed in our lives for us to get by... having faith has really helped me get through a lot of things this past yr. so my new plan is in progress.......lol! to be continued...lol!