wednesday.....

ugh! well today has been a crappy day. i just feel like i am not doin so good here. my kids were like animals today and i could not seem to get motivated today to do anything. i feel a bit outta touch with the world right now. i have been workin so hard to get things around here done so much so that i am in such a bad mood. 1 i think is cause i cant seem to get a lick of help outta anyone. and 2 because i guess to everyone my things that i want done are kinda irrational to them. i didnt think that i was gonna be the only one who cared about getting the house painted and the yard mowed and the house in order. now i get that some days we are all lazy and or just down right tired. but darn do we get a break. lets just work together and things will stay done. i feel like the harder i try the less anyone cares. i really am doin it for my family but i guess i need to start doin it for myself. i am in such a foul mood tonight that it is unbelievable. i feel disconnected from everything. i have had a great few weeks though what the hell happened? i mean for real.

i have come to grips with this whole job thing. it is gonna be great as far as for me and the income go. but on the other hand i feel like i am leaving my kids and that doesnt sit well with me. why is that? i wish i knew. i mean jasmine is goin to kindergarten and unless i home school she has to leave and go. which btw i would never home school.. not a chance even where we live. but she will be goin to private school if i have anything to say about it. i just am uneasy about the whole idea. i dont really know why but that is what it is. and as for my little man. ethan deserves some school time to make little buddies and stuff plus he will love it i just know it. it will help with his structure too i am sure of that. plus i have to realize that they will grow up and go to school. i just didnt think that it would go by soooooo fast. it really does. but on the other hand i am excited to start a new chapter in my life as well cause i need to do something for me that will benefit my family as well and this would be it. this is like my foot in the door to become a nurse and that is what i want to do.

ever get really mad and cant get it out? you wanna scream but no one will hear you. i feel that way right now. i thought that bloggin would help that but it is not doin it for me right now. i guess i must go and try another thing....later....

headless chicken....

so lately i have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. i feel like i have to have my world in order before i start to work. which i may be way off base on that one but i like to think that it may just be my minds way of givin me some motivation to get things that are long over due to be done just in fact done. which i got to say feels great. i have been focusing on painting the rooms i have been meaning to get done since november done. so for now jasmines room is painted all but where the builders have to fix. her room turned out sooooo cute. i painted it 3 different colors and then added some daisys around the one color. it is just soo cute more then i expected it to be. i got to say i am really proud of myself and the way it turned out. it looks so much better then i thought it would. and she was soooo excited. she is sooo happy with the turn out of her room that it makes every second of the loss of sleep worth it. ethans room is done being painted. i looooooove the color of it. his will be more exciting once the tree is up. jasmines room is cute paint wise and deco once that part is done. but ethans is cooler deco wise then paint wise. his color is awesome but we are putting a tree in his room made outta sonitube and lots of follige from the fake flower place. cant wait to have it all done. and i also finished the kids bathroom too. it is really cute. did 2 colors and sponge painted some of the walls too. i love it. i made it fun by using a star shaped sponge to sponge with.. anyway that is some of what i have been up to as far as craziness goes..lol! but things are coming along and getting done so yeah for that.... :0)

saturday...

so today i have a million things to do and dont know where to start. ugh! i have so much laundry i feel like i am a laundry person in a jail. like all i do is laundry. though it is my fault cause i slacked off for too long and let it get too much. yikes! and it is bad!!! my basement stairs are full FULL of laundry. i feel like crap about it. i feel like i need like 3 washers and dryers to get it all done. actually i think it would be great to have 2 of each. i mean then i could always be doin to at a time. wow it would go so fast then.
i was hoping to have some me time today to do a little uniform shopping and get my hair done but i can never seem to find anyone to watch my kids for me to do so. it is sad i know it. the girl i usually get to watch em is in florida. so i need to find someone closer to where i will be because i have a bday party to go to after that. then to another party then home. somewhere in between there i have to find a way to get jason some lunch. wow! am i gonna make it through the day or not? lol! anyway!

i wanted to go to the market like we did last weekend it was a blast. having money would have been great but thats ok i prob would have spent too much anyway. then my neighbor and i took the kids to the fountain in town it was so fun the kids had a blast. the fountain was really neat looking. next time i think that i will bring suits for them and a change of clothes though. lol mommy wasnt thinking right that morn. it was a great walk too. anywy off to try and do it all today!!
have a beautiful day all!!! :0)

summer fun...

going to the pool is so much fun. i am so thankful for people who share their pools with the less fortunate..lol! it is such a blessing. it is great to go and hang out and talk and have some good ol fellowship. i love the fact that there are some of us that can just share and hang out and have some real conversation with one and other. sharing everyday life things and helping one and other in life in general. it is great to know that people still care. anyway just wanted to write how i was feeling at the moment. today is a gift not a guarantee. so i am gonna enjoy it to the fullest. thank you god for today!!!

changing....

things around here have been changing. i finally got a job. i got the job that i wanted. i was hunting and hunting and praying for a cna position at a retirement community or hospital. so finally after 2 interviews countless prayers. i got the job i wanted and the shift i wanted. so my training starts in august. i will go to class to be a certified nursing assistant. which really means cleans bed linens poop and pee and helps with the elderly. which for now is great. it is entry level into the field i want to be in.. sooo hahaha! for anyone who doubted me getting where i wanted to be. i love the fact that i will be working. it is a great self esteem builder. which it is great to have some positive self esteem. and i love helping people so it all works out. plus i get to learn more about the medical field. i want to be and LPN in time. and i know that all the praying and working and striving to get there will pay off if that is the plan that god has for me in my life here.

things around here are getting crazy though. not only am i going to be in class for 3ks but my baby girl is starting kindergarten. i am excited but at the same time that means she is growing up too fast. though i do believe that every season is a blessing so i am happy for her but it is a bit sad at the same time. she will soon feel like she does not need momma anymore. that will be a sad sad day. but not gonna think about that. i know she is looking forward to school this little princess that i call jasmine is a smart cookie and she loves to learn. everyone is always telling me how smart they think she is and i gotta say that is a good feeling that others pick up on it to. lol but of course i have a bias opinion.lol!

i am tryin to get all my ducks in a row before i start class and jasmine starts school. we both need uniforms and new shoes before mid august. yikes that outta be fun i tell ya. i am really stoked for the both of us though. it is like a new start for us both. and my little man of course is gonna have a new start too. he is gonna be apart of a class too for the little peeps of course though. i know he is gonna love it to though. he will be needing something to keep his mind off his big sister. he just adores her so much. they are to of the most loving kids i know. no matter what they are always lookin out for each other. i have to get this house all done up before i start working so i feel complete and all i have to do is maitenance to it. that will make 3rd shift, 2 kids, a hubby and a house so much easier.. or at least im hoping. lol! but so far so good.

i am hoping that this will help push this dark cloud away from us. no more sickness and accidents in this family please for awhile. i just wanna strive to be on top of things around here. we need some peace around here. i am not asking to be rich just be ok. that works for me. money in savings and ya know..lol! i believe that god is always testing us and this was a test (yet another) for my faith. when i think that i am being faithful and obidient to god that is when he shows me that i can use improvements. which is great but sometimes i think that it is a little bit much. but i guess that is the only way he can get us to really open our eyes. and be better be more faithful to him and his word. for us to follow his plan. it is like when you have a job and they say " when you get comfortable in your position that is when you get hurt" well sometimes i think that is how it is with faith. when you think that you have a lot of faith and arent really seeking god he shows you that you always should be seeking him and that you need him. so you need to strive to seek him out to stay faithful to him. well it made sense to me..lol! anyway. i am soooo thankful to god that i showed him how serious i was about my life changes that he is giving me this chance to have the job i want and to get us and our family on the right track in this life.. thank you lord....really!!!

the craziest things happen here...

so we had quite an eventful day on monday. my poor little boy was rushed to the hospital. so before i tell you what happened to him, let me paint a picture for you real quick.

first of all as if things arent already hard enough around this house with jason being in the hospital last week and been outta work without pay. that is enough stress on a person. really!

so anyway, the day started off pretty normal for the most part. ethan got up he was whiny and was crying. i was upstairs and asked jasmine "what the heck is wrong with your brother?" she said he was mad cause he couldnt get into his room. well i locked the door cause i painted the night before. so anyway, made breakfast, went back up to watch cartoons in my bed with the kids. ethan seemed like he may have a fever. so when my friend got to the house to drop off her kids i gave ethan some motrin. he seemed to be ok just a bit whiny and feverish. nothing too bad i thought. he was running around playing inside outside inside outside having a good time. then he wanted to sit on my lap so i snuggled him for a few and he layed his head on my shoulder and started to dose it seemed. well then like a min or 2 went by and all of the sudden, he arched his back hands went up in the air and his eyes were lookin straight up at the ceiling. he was making a gurggly sound and it was like he was choking.i said i think he is having a seizure. i started to panic and then jason took him so i could call 911. he stopped breathing for a sec, and was just so outta it. he came to a little bit and by the time i called 911 a min or 2 later they were at the house to help. emt's and ambulance firetruck and cops. it was crazy. i was hysterical, crying, scared shitless and the most terrifying thing that i have ever went through with the kids or anything i think. that was by far the hardest thing to see my kid go through. just not responding to me and limp. the emt's helped him oxygen and stuff then off to the hosp in the ambulance. thank god that they are quick and we live 1 mile from the hosp. they did a check up on him, meds, temp, temp, temp, meds, xrays, an iv, heart stickers. all that, 6 hrs in the er and he has an ear infection. they said that little kids have febrile seizures. it is a fever induced seizure. uuummmm yeah they should call it a parent heart attack seizure.i pray to god that i do not ever have to see my baby like that again. he was scared i was scared. but they said that there is only a 20% chance that it could happen again. i am hopin not at all for this family.

it was such a crazy day. i cant stop thinking about it. i want the thought of it gone outta my mind. i am sooooo exhausted from it all. i am losing sleep thinking about what i could have done different but i dont think that i could have. i love that little boy more then words and cant for the life of me figure out why he has had such a hard time with things. stitches before 2, ambulance ride before 3. i dont get it. he has had it a bit rougher then i had ever imagined for a small little man. we will get through it i know it. god is watching us and has a plan. he is good i know it. i am blessed to have him and jasmine and jason and what we have in our lives. i am not complaining, i am human though. i try not to worry but at some time it can be hard for me not to let it happen.

anyway today he seems to be doin a bit better and back to being himself for the most part. thank you god!!!! please watch over my baby and keep him safe and healthy!!!

talking to an ex....

why is it that no one can really talk to an ex without weirdness or fighting? so we finally got the number to jason's ex and decided to give her a call. Wow! has she still not grown up. i don't get it we called with good intentions but she always seems to make things difficult for us. i called trying to see if i could just talk about stuff. you know the norm....how are you, how is austin, how is life, how is he doing in school ....lalala! just stuff like that. we have been outta touch cause we never know where she is or how to get a hold of her. we have tried so many times with her and still she does not want jason to be apart of his sons life. and thats pretty much what she makes it seem like. i mean it is water under the bridge what has happened in the past but it still is brought up. he is not a bad father, he pays child support and has tried to be apart of his sons life the whole time that we have been together. so really that says something for him, i mean he does have a life and a family here to. he has to work and take care of his life. but that doesnt change the love he has for the kid he never gets to see. at one time she asked us if he would give him up for adoption and he really did not want to. but he thought at another time that maybe it would be best for him and his son. but then after really thinking and praying about it, it just really didnt feel right no matter how much money he has to pay. i do feel like she has something to do with the raise in his support. anyway so i asked for him when i called and she said are you gonna talk to him or is jason. iw as like really chic. anyway i said jason is..... so she said austin do you wanna talk to your dad? he said my dad, is he on there? it was really cute so that just shows that he is curious of jason and wanted to speak to him. so they talked for a few minutes then she got on the phone and then thats is when it went sour. she does that every time. jason said i would like to have him for a wk or two this summer and she said why would he want to he has never left my site. she didnt even ask him. he is at an age that he can make his mind up. i mean it is not like we arent stable here. i just think that she is taking this situation to a bad level. we arent asking for him to move here. just to visit. that is the adult fair parent thing to do. she should be happy that jason is wanting to do more with him. though she has always said no to us. thats not ok. she is really wrong here. i dont understand why she cant be an adult here. jason is a good hard working person and father. i mean really she is making austin suffer cause she hates jason fo rsome lame ass reason. they are both to blame for the relationship not working cause apparently it was never really that good to begin with then you throw a kid on the fire and boooom! but i have faith that the Lord will provide jasons time when it is right for him and his other son to see one and other. ugh! anyway this situation is terrible and it is angry and ugly. i am done for now, i hate this.

he's home

i am soooo happy that jason is home finally. i would say that he had a 4 day vaca but i know that would be a lie. he was in pain and i know it was not fun.

die mrsa!

what the hell is it with this mrsa shit and my family? i mean really it has tried several times to over take my home and our bodies. i really don't understand how this shit keeps coming back. i mean besides the obvious. jason was admitted to the hospital saturday night after being there for what seemed to be forever. we got there at 11:06pm and me and the kids left at 3:10am. in all that time they took blood, stats, temp,registration,doc came in a few times, nurse came in a few times, cup of ice, cup of soda, pushed on his finger and it oozed. i mean i am glad that he is there and they can monitor this shit but it really seemed to take forever. when we walked in the ER last night the first thing i said was..."this seems like the happening place to be tonight" and for sure it really was. So anyway, jason is in the hospital with a bad case of mrsa. he is on an IV drip and IV antibiotics. they admitted him cause he was already on antis and they werent working so they had to give him something stronger and in him quicker. he is on pain. they drained his finger, by cutting it open and pulling out all the gooooo. so hopefully they wont have to do surgery but they said if the swelling does not go down that they will be doing surgery. i have faith that the Lord will take his pain away and heal him, it just seems like he can't/ we can't get a small break. i just want us to kick this mrsa shit outta the family. it all started with Ethan. he has had it several times and i have had it once. and wow i never want it again. it was prob the most painful thing i have ever experienced. when i got it i cried cause i finally found out what my little man was suffering from every time he had it. that broke my heart. so please anyone out there that prays please keep jason in your prayers for a little while. his healing is very important to us.

nothing really

so as usual i have nothing really that interesting to say. but anyway i got lots to blab about...lol! so i have really been tryin to change things around here. i have been thinking about this whole job situation and tryin to find one is unreal i have looked. i was even looking at places that i would rather not work at. i have applied a few different places and still nothing. i seems like you have to have a phd to work at turkeyhill, i mean come on really that is insane people. but i am really tryin to get a job with some kind of direction not just another lame-o position that i have to add to my application when i apply somewhere. i am at the point that i will take anything but i would rather do something with direction.anyway this damn thing has no direction..lol so bye!

mind games...

ok so this will be short and sweet..lol! so all day today i have been hearing music. i think that i am losing it cause i am in a silent room right now and i hear it. i have no clue what song it is but i hear the music like it is faint but i still hear the beat. it is like a soft calming beat.. WEIRD!!!!! i know it, i am losing it really. wtf! lol! i have to get up early and here i am on this damn computer talking to myself..does anyone really read this? i guess a few do. i am thankful for the comments and stuff that is really cool to know that someone out there is reading what i am pouring out on here. anyway, i gotta get some sleep 8am comes fast these days. peace out have a good one!!! ttys!

A birthday wish.....

So today is my wonderful hubby's birthday. He is 28 yrs old today. I feel so bad he was outta work yesterday cause his finger got really swollen. I thought it was a bug bite at first but it got really bad. It was so bad that he could not bend it at all. ugh! So off to the doctors we went yesterday. Of course since we have yet to switch docs since we moved I had to just call one real quick and get an appt. Hopefully it will go away and there will be no more pain. Anyway, he probably is having a suck ass bday cause he is working and has a big load of work today. We have no money so I couldnt get him a damn thing not even a card. So we made him one..lol! How lame are we.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

So I got tagged for a thingy on here so here goes..

You are supposed to got to your pics and got to the 6th folder 6th pic and write about it..

This photo was taken, I think last summer sometime. It was the kids first time on that train system. They have been to Strasburg RR. But this was the first trip on the other one. They had a blast of course. We packed a lunch and drinks and went to Philly to meet a friend of mine. Which that was the hard part. I can not navigate around Philly to save my life. I was lost lost lost. It was hot I was getting pissed and then finally I made it to where I was going. Why is it that people think just cause you are from the area that you know Phila so well. Well let me tell ya they are so wrong. Anyway side bar sorry about that. My kids were sorta good on the train. They were asking 9 million questions like most kids. I was overall a hot but good day. It ended up being really late on the way home cause we missed the train so we had to take the last train and Ethan cried almost the whole way cause he was sooooo tired. But we had fun and thats what is important. We don't do it for ourselves we do it for our kids.

Anyway I know that you are supposed to tag people on here for this but I don't really know anyone on here so I will have to go with Cory on that one.. Sorry this was cute though..

Potty and the boy...

It has been 10 days since we started Ethan on this potty training expedition. Actually I have to give him all the credit because he really did start it all. Which to be honest that is how I wanted it to be. Ethan is doing better then I had anticipated. He has definitely had a few accidents but not as bad as I thought it would be. I thought it was gonna be a disaster like it was with Jasmine. I think that it was terrible with her because I was pushing for her to be trained. With Ethan I wanted nothing to do with it til he was good and ready. He is apparently ready..lol!! Yeah, for that I will tell you. I have no more interest in buying diapers. I am really amazed how well he is doing this transition, he really seems to enjoy being a big boy.. It is great that these 2 are getting to be a little bit more independent but at the same time it is bitter sweet. My babies are getting big and that is it. I am very proud of them they are my angels. Though sometimes they do not act like angels but ya know. So potty training a boy in my mind.......much easier then a girl. I was told the opposite, but every kid is different so I guess that does play a part in this as well. I do think though that I am gonna have a prob getting him to keep it in his pants.. yeah you think that it sounds funny but, not only does he want to show you his undies but he wants you to check out his man parts as well. yeah not a good thing, hopefully he will grow outta that quick!!

So he is really funny when it comes to going to the potty. Thank God he is not afraid of those darn auto flush toilets. Jasmine is terrified of them. I mean really does it need to flush that loud. Who's brilliant invention was that... boo on them for that one..He says momma me pee when he has to pee it is cute huh? We got him a travel potty seat with lightning mcqueen on it...lol! He loves it!

So anyway his stats are as follows: 10 day diaper free, 6 accidents, 4 days without accidents.. I am so proud. Keep up the hard work Ethan!!! Momma is soooo proud of you.

Anyway, well I guess this is it for now!

Sunday....

So I missed another great day of church. I am getting so pissed that I have not been able to get there. The day started off pretty normal. I went to bed at 414am, stupid ass. I know things just are always racing through this head of mine and I can't shut it off. It is not always worries and anxiety, sometimes just mere daydreaming. I do that a lot, especially on those hard days I can't seem to get through. We were supposed to see about getting a good deal on our van today but that did not happen. Jason wanted to sleep in, which for him is really just sleeping the day away. Sometimes I really hate it cause we really don't see him that much and when he is here he is trying to catch up on sleep. I do understand that he wants some down time but it sucks that he misses out on so much. We seem to do so much with out him cause we don't wanna miss out. I mean things have gotten somewhat easier in that sense but still very hard too. If that makes any sense. lol!! We finally got our asses movin after a long battle with slowness. We were then off to a bday/picnic. My boy did real good today with his big boy undies...No accidents!!! Yeah Ethan!! I am so proud of him. oh the trials of potty training. Some kids do it with such ease and some are really difficult. I on the other hand just don't care about it, the peds said he would do it when he was ready. I guess he is feeling like becoming a big boy now.. Either way he is my big boy, that I really don't want to grow up. I kinda want them both to stay innocent and little. Without cares of this big world. But I know that they will get older and grow up. Wow, that was a side bar..lol! So we had fun with some old friends, talking, horseshoes, sprinklers and some football. To end the night with a screaming 2yr old that was soooo exhausted. Jason was in a bad mood from the drive home and our screaming son, so that put me in mood as well. Isn't it funny how that happens? So now I am retiring for the night early for me. No chatting, movies or books for me tonight. Thanks to all our women and men in the military who do what they do everyday!!!! Hopefully while everyone was partying it up today they remember the reason for this day!! God bless and goodnight....

Saturday....

Today was sorta a strange day. It started off pretty normal: we got up, breakfast, Jason left for work. The kids wanted to watch Bolt for like the hundredth time. We borrowed it from the neighbor. It started off as kinda a lazy day, not really feeling like doing much. I guess that is what I get for hanging out with Ivy on the porch til 2am.Fun times though..lol! Cleaned up from breakfast, put bolt on again, sat and watched a bit with the kids. Then I decided I needed to get moving, get something done around here. The mail arrived at the usual not so scheduled time. Everyday it scares the shit outta me cause we have a mail slot. Anyway, inside with the normal crap, we got a card. Huh? So I peaked inside and it was a 100$ gift card for Texas roadhouse. I was like what!!! It was addressed to Jason, he had mentioned a couple from a job he did wanted to give him a nice gift for his hard work so.....It was. I was mildly shocked that is a lot of money. Ethan was diaper free for a day. I am so proud of him. He had on his big boy undies and was so thrilled with himself. So then, I decided it was time for me to get online for a bit. I of course ventured to facebook, myspace, my email, banking etc....Then I decided to check out my few friends here in blogger thingy and who they follow. I happened to take notice of a blogger that was named Matt, Liz and Madeline. So I thought wonder if this is someone from around here or do I know them? So I started to read, the heading caught my attention."life and death all in a 27 hr period." So I take a look. I found myself instantly drawn to finding out this story. I was in tears, laughing, amazed etc... This story is so heart breaking, heart warming. What a powerful story. I was so taken by it, instantly I couldn't peel myself away from the screen reading and reading about his amazing strength and ability to go on. He had a beautiful life with Liz and he still has her with him and Madeline everyday just watching over them. They are lucky to have a guardian angel. She seemed like an amazing woman. I really can't say enough about this whole blog there is just too much to go off about. Just check it out.

It is weird how you can take someones situations and put your self in them and really feel what they are feeling to a degree. I mean really unless you have been there you can't but you can to a degree. I read all I could til my kids couldn't take it anymore but what I did read really made me think about how blessed I am to still be here. I mean Liz had a c-section. I had 2. How did I get so lucky? I mean life can be taken so fast and things change in an instant. I know that God has a plan for us all. We are all blessed we just need to take a look around us and then it becomes real that we are. My life is better then I think some days. Everyday is such a blessing to be here. i can't thank God enough for that special gift to wake up and share the memories with my family. I felt like as I was reading that blog I started to get to know him and Madeline. Which probably sounds ridiculous but it is true he really put it out there. I can't get them outta my head now. I will be praying for them, for their continued support from strangers and friends, for the safety and strength of the 2 of them, for Liz to be able to watch over them for always. Matt is a great daddy and their life seems to be great.

Sorry i completely went off there but I could not help but to express how I felt a little on that story. The night started to wind down. We decided to go use the gift card. We have been unable to go out to eat in a while cause of the current money situation. The kids had already had dinner by this time cause Jason never gets done before 8pm. So I packed them up and we went out to meet Daddy. We love texas roadhouse but tonight was not the best experience. The waitress was bitchy, it was busy, I was not in a really fab mood so all those together made for not so fun dining experience. We almost made it all night without an accident but missed the potty by like a minute. Why are kids kinda scared of toilets that are in stores or resturants?? idk! Came home put my little loves to bed, and decided to read more online. So that is where I am now. I am going to cut this now, no one will prob read it til the end so good night all. morning comes ever so fast these days...God bless!

Today is Friday!

Wow Friday! You would think that one would be so excited about it being Friday. I have no real interest in Fridays cause my Husbands work schedule sucks so much. I don't have a regular weekend like most people. Our weekend is Sunday and Monday. BUT!!!

Today was a good Friday so far. I have made a new friend. I always wanted to become friends with my neighbors when we bought a house. I mean really how fun is that?? Seriously, fun fun fun...We are the only ones with kids so it just so happens to work out. Well that and we like to sit out on the porch and chat til 3am..Lol!! Our neighbors are so nice, and I hope for many times where we can all chill and laugh.So far we really like all our neighbors which is good cause our last few neighbors really sucked.

So we had a play date today. It was really fun and funny. It is really funny to watch kids get together and interact. It was nice to just sit back and chat with a great friend. Watched Bolt with the kids it was cute. They get so into movies these days its great. Hopefully tomorrow will be a great day as well. I have to figure out something for dinner.........I have no clue what the heck I wanna make. We dont have much and one of the meals I could make Jason hates. I think just got sick of it because we used to eat it all the time its cheap thats why. Hey we all go through those times in life where cheap is the meal. Well for now, I must go prepare dinner for my monsters..

all these things to join..

why the heck is it when you join all these new pages it takes you forever to figure out how the hell to work them?? hopefully soon I will have it under my belt. lol! this one is really different and a bit confusing but soon I know it i will have it...

Going through some stuff....

Ever wonder why some days are so much easier then others?? I know that I sure do. I dread those really hard days that we all have to go through, but we generally seem to make it out on top. I have been having days like this a lot lately. We have really been going through some not so normal hardships for our life that is. Everyone has different hard times. I do feel bad talking about my hard times when I know that some others have way worse hard times then we do. But really it is life and no matter the degree of hard it is still hard. I am seriously in job hunting mode because things around this household are getting tighter and tighter. My wonderful husband has a child from a previous relationship ( he started young ) lol! Anyway, and due to new findings in the wonderful system of domestics we are now paying way more then we used to so it has really put a strain on our budget. Which yeah I know it is life and just another one of those glorious challenges, but it does suck! I really think that we are drowning here but I am trying to stay focused on the bigger picture and realize that God is good and He will provide for us. My heart is open to the plan that he has for us. We are being obedient to Him and hoping for better days to come. In this time though we have really been focusing on our family. I have recently shut out the world around me for the most part and really been trying to reposition my life in another direction. I have really been trying to make our house a home for us that we really love. When you don't have so many distractions in life you can really focus on the good and all that has been given to you. I have in the past few weeks been able to really start doing new things for myself and not trying to have other people or stupid stuff occupying me. I had a real habit of doing that it was like I depended on things and people to entertain me. I found that to be a real discouragement in my own life. I could not find it on my own but now I think that I am finally starting to find it. I have a love for so much in life I just needed to find it. It is like taking baby steps and healing.

In-laws aren't they wonderful???

So I know that some people can relate when I say that in-laws aren't always the nicest wedding gift. They can really be royal pains in the you know what. I thought that when I got married that I would have an extention to the family with these nice people like ya know you see on TV families. Well HAHAHAHA on me cause I think that I may have gotten some of the worst ones out there. And they are out there. They hate me...They think that I took their son away from them, and that I keep him locked in some cage not allowing him to see or speak to them. That is funny I know. I have seriously tried with these people but they are a tough crowd I'll tell ya. My brother in law played a dirty trick on us on Monday night. He called to talk to us....Well let me go back a little and paint this small picture of this weirdness..We have not talked to his parents in at least a year. lol! So ok back to the story now. Jason's brother calls to talk to us. He says "Hey how are you guys doing?" and then says hold on a sec., he passed his mom the phone. I was baffled that he would do such a thing to us. Wow!! For a moment I really wanted to scream some unkind things to her but kept it all in. She talked to me for a mear minute then said here is Danny (brother in law) So I said I can't believe that you did that!!! So I said you wanna talk to your brother? So then he had the nerve to do the same things to Jason, but Jason had it worse then me. His parents wanted to talk to him. They both chewed his ear off with the same (what seems to be BS) as per the norm. I can't understand parents who can have no interest in their kids lives or their grandkids for that matter and have nothing really to say about it. But what can you expect from people who are so down on life. They must hate themselves and their creator cause they seem to hate life and what it has dealt them. There is a reason God has muted them in our lives. They really know how to bring out the negativity in me that I hate so much. I feel bad that Jason has no real Mom and Dad relationship but who needs people in their lives that say the same things over and over again and don't really seem to care about you just that they are miserable. Well that is enough of that but I thought that was a little craziness I could share with you all that read this.

This is about me...

Well I wouldn't say that you have to be good at blogging to blog but you gotta have something to say and lol I have lots to say. I am a stay at home Momma looking for employment. I love being home with my kiddos but do need to get out at times. I love the fact that I get to see everything that goes in their lives. I never miss a thing. I have been able to experience everything from first smiles to first steps and it has been a great journey. As the top of this things reads this is a place for me to do lots, one thing is to especially waste some much needed time. lol!

So a little bit about me is: I am 27. A wife and mother of two wonderful amazing kids. My husband and I have been together for 7 years. We met during strange circumstances but have been on a great journey still to this day. I am so in love with him. He is a big pain sometimes but so am I. Neither one of us is anywhere near perfect but we love each other.We know how to get under each others skin. We have been through military, long distance, ex's, blessings, deaths,lose and etc.. We have come out on top and that is a good sign. I am Jason's biggest supporter besides his mini supporters. He is a wonderful man, father, daddy and Hubby.

We take pride in spoiling our two amazing kids. We still discipline but we do it with love and knowing that we are doing our best to mold them into God fearing kids. Kids that will grow up to be respectful, creative, loving, knowledgeable and faith filled people.

I guess that is enough. There will be more to come...That is blogs!

This is the opener....

Well this is the start of a new thing to join. I really don't know why I am doing this, but I feel like another place to vent isn't really a bad thing and maybe someone else will find it interesting...Not really but hahaha!! The thought of it was funny.