tonight is the last night.....

so tonight is my last night at willow valley....I am thankful for a break but I know that sometime soon I have to be working at least part time... we do need that little but of more income... I have come to realize that this was all harder then I had anticipated it really being. I think that if I had family or friends that could help us out that things would have maybe been a little easier, or that I could even work a different shift knowing that my kiddos are well cared for. but nothing like momma, nothing like taking care of them ourselves! i love my kiddos, even when they drive me crazy...lol! which on the daily they do that...lol!

It was weird cause last night at work I was thinking that wow I am getting ready to start all over again and that kinda stinks but I know that I have to get away from all this negativity...that place is a sewer of gossip and negativity...i really like doing this job and I will def miss some of my residents but I must go and do something else right now...I have to fix the things that I have put off cause if lack of sleep and shit like that. I guess time managment was not really what i needed to learn it was how to not sleep and still be able to function...lol!

ugh working on a new plan...

so the plan was to go back to work......i did so! but i have def failed at it. 3rd shift is soooooooo bad, i knew it was gonna be hard just not that hard.my whole world started to fall apart around me. to tired to think, to tired to feel, too tired to cook, clean, play, read, anything. I can not stand it anymore. i think that i could truely get used to being poor and happy. I mean I know that we can really use the money but come on this is craziness. i feel like the closer i get to leaving the job the happier i feel and the less stress i feel....my mind is truly overwhelmed but the thought of goin to work at night. plus it really doesnt help that i am afraid of the damn dark.....and the people i work with are really creepy at night..not too mention dealing with the dead takes a really special person to do...not that you have to be cold but you really need to not be spooked but anything. def not me.....every time someone died it was like huummm this is weird gonna check it out.......then it was creepy and weird after that...i gotta hand it to the people who take care of the dead it really does take a special person to do it....anyway i know that i am gonna find something that fits what i am looking for...god has a plan for me and i know that. i know that we will survive and that our good god will provide what is needed in our lives for us to get by... having faith has really helped me get through a lot of things this past yr. so my new plan is in progress.......lol! to be continued...lol!